Darkness Read online

  DARKNESS

  F. BRADSHAW

  Copyright © 2014

  Darkness, By F. Bradshaw

  ISBN:

  All Rights Reserved.

  Cover image created by Gold Art and is owned by F. Bradshaw. This artwork may not be reproduced or used without the owner’s permission.

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  Without limiting the rights under copyright(s) reserved above and below, no part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in or induced into a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form, or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise) without the prior permission of the copyright owner. Making or distributing electronic copies of this book constitutes copyright infringement and could subject the infringer to criminal and/or civil liability. Please do not participate in or encourage piracy of copyrighted materials in violation of the author’s rights.

  The scanning, uploading, and distribution of this book via the internet or any other means without permission of the copyright owner is illegal and punishable by law. Please purchase only authorized electric editions and do not participate in or encourage electronic piracy of copyrighted materials. Brief passages may be quoted for review purposes if credit is given to the copyright holder. Your support is appreciated. Any form other than the use of brief passages for quotation purposes in or in whole is forbidden without the permission of F. Bradshaw. All characters and storylines are the property of the author and your support, and respect is appreciated. This book is a work of fiction. The characters and events portrayed in this book are fictions. Names, characters, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

  The following story contains mature themes, profanity, explicit gore, and explicit sexual situations. It is intended for adult readers.

  Table of Contents

  Dedication

  Prequel

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  Chapter 23

  Chapter 24

  Chapter 25

  Chapter 26

  Chapter 27

  Chapter 28

  Chapter 29

  Chapter 30

  Chapter 31

  Chapter 32

  Chapter 33

  Chapter 34

  Chapter 35

  Chapter 36

  Chapter 37

  Chapter 38

  Chapter 39

  Chapter 40

  Chapter 41

  Chapter 42

  Chapter 43

  Chapter 44

  Chapter 45

  Chapter 46

  Chapter 47

  Acknowledgements

  Dedication

  This book is dedicated in loving memory of Frank and Judy. Without your love and support, this never would have been possible. I will always love you both.

  “...Monsters are real, and ghosts are real, too.

  They live inside us, and sometimes, they win.”

  Stephen King

  Prequel

  The start was the easy part—a way to lie to myself to make everything ok. This act would fix it. Everything would stay the same, just as I had promised. It’s the lies that help get me through the day. The remnants of a broken soul and tattered life were what I needed to fix. The pain I caused could never go away. What I did that night was so unforgivable. All my parents could do was to pass me off to someone who could tolerate looking at me. Did I even have a heart? Was I ever truly not a monster in a fleshy human suit? How many lies had I told today? How many more would I tell? What is life? Is it the beating of my heart, or is it more?

  I don’t know when I got the flyer or when I made the decision. I knew I needed the money, and being an ostrich, and slipping my head in the sand was the cost. “Drug Clinical Participants Requested. Pays $5000 for testing new drug.” Easy choices always lead to unexpected things.

  Taking the easy road is not always the best choice. It was my only choice. The hospital was somewhere you would not forget. How can you forget the last place you were human, or as close to human as I ever was? How many lives did I need to destroy? How many were destroyed? How many were left to be destroyed?

  The wood of the porch was becoming so worn. His work was fading here too. Everything was fading from the world. Promises. I would keep mine. For once in my life, I was not going to fail. The dim light from the cloud-drenched sky held enough light to show me the way to the truck. The grass had grown so much. Everything needed to be cut, but how could I remove the last things he worked on? The roses were wild, and they still held her touch. Everything was waiting for them. I was waiting for them. The gravel crunched under my feet as I walked to the truck. It was fixed, but the scars still marred it. The door opened with the familiar drawn out squeak. The metal was weighted in my hands reminding me it was an old truck. A ‘78 Chevy truck that had seen better days. Blue marked with body bond grey. It fired up with no issues. I needed to do this. My bag rested next to me. The radio knew me too well. Human by Civil Twilight crooned through, its first line touching me as I put my hand to the wheel.

  “There’s one way out and no way in…”

  I pulled it out of the driveway and headed on my way. This could fix it. I just needed to be accepted. For once I almost considered saying a prayer but when had that ever worked. Who would listen for someone who was a demon? I had damned them to hell. My mother was always right about me. Once again, life had made it true. Rumbling, the trucked moved as it growled toward the hospital. Let me in. Let me get the money. The gloomy day did nothing to hide the bridge. I pushed down the gas. I needed to get out of here. Rounding the bend almost to the hospital sat death. Nothing good ever came from that place. House of god was supposed to bring joy and comfort but in reality, it was just another place of pain.

  “It's only love, its only pain it's only fear that runs through my veins…”

  The hospital came into sight. I parked quickly and turned off the truck. I summoned all of myself. I could do this. I could walk through the doors. Keep the promise. I walked in hoping that I would be chosen.

  “I am here for the clinical trial I explained before the nurse could say a word.” A blonde bombshell looking at me with eyes measuring me up handed me a clipboard. Now I just needed to sign my life away. Hell, if I had a soul I would sell it. I just needed to keep one promise once in my life.

  Just one.

  Chapter 1

  Fire ravaged my throat, begging to be put out. Pain seared itself into my body, burning and crawling, looking for the last of my oxygen. What did I do?
Numb buzzing filled the background. My eyes opened to a blinding light again taking in the room once more. I was in the same place, and staring back at me was the monster.

  The black ink-filled eyes replaced what was brown. The skin translucent, white marbled with black veins. They were snakes under my skin, almost alive and moving. My auburn hair was less alive. Color seemed to drain away from me. Everything about me had changed. Slowly I opened my mouth looking for something to be the same. Freshly minted teeth met my gaze. Here I am.

  A quick tap on the door pulled me from the mirror. Reflex alone, I inhaled the warm scent of Aqua Velva Ice Blue, and wet dirt, which waited just on the other side. His scent. There was more to his scent than I could remember. Part of me could taste his skin. His warm five o’clock shadow moved across my lips, with the pulse jumping below. His scent teased, drawing me in.

  Thump, thump, thump, thump, as he opened the door. The pace quickened as he entered the room. Desire filled me, leaving me torn between his pulse and him. My mouth parted slowly, begging for moisture, making me swallow hard.

  “Emily?” he asked puzzled.

  Ryan walked into the room looking at me with uneasiness. Something in him was resolved to look at what I had become. His deep moss green eyes gazed from my hand and then trailing up my body until he stopped, looking abhorrently at my mouth. My tongue washed over my teeth as I bit my lower lip trying to contain the need. He grabbed at his shoulder with fear. The thick scent of fear rolled into me briskly.

  “What did you do to me? Did you know this would be the result? Did you—”

  “Look, you signed up for this, not me. You came here willingly. You wanted—” His tone was curt and rising.

  “No,” I screamed back at him. “No, I did not ask to become a monster!”

  Ryan looked away to avoid my gaze. The rage was building, begging me to rip away from the chains. I was so ravenous, and he was making it worse. How could he make it worse? He stepped closer toward me. Impulse drove my body to lunge for him. The clank of the chains made him look at me again. His eyes darted between my eyes and my mouth. Lips parted naturally, revealing my new teeth. A low growl rolled from my gut. My body stiffened as if ready to strike him.

  “Get out of there now!” A disembodied voice came from the doorway.

  Rage rolled through the voice. I knew that voice. Strike of the evil granny. What had she done to me? This was not some normal test. No way. Had I just stepped into wonderland here? And she was what? The evil red queen? He backed out through the doorway, body just as guarded as when he had entered.

  The delicious smell of him lingered like a veil of essence. A deep hunger pain coerced itself deeper. This was not what I signed up for. This was not a quick injection for a new antidepressant drug. Maybe I should have read the paperwork more closely, but I’m certain I did not see monster listed as a side effect.

  “Can I get some help in here? Want to explain what you did? This is not what I signed up for!” I screamed hoping they would hear me through the door.

  “There was a reaction to the procedure. For your own good, you must be restrained. I will be in there in a few moments to explain to you what will be happening.” Her voice was ice cold, yet calm.

  She knew something, and this was not an accident. This could not be an accident. This was not what I expected. I was expecting a horrible rash, or for it not to work, or maybe even death. Did I die? I shook my head trying to clear out the numbness from the medication. I looked back to the mirror. Realization hit me as to what I was seeing. Rage had kept me from seeing before what was beyond the mirror.

  I beheld both the monster and the shapes that were coming into focus. My skin was growing even more pale and ashen, and was thinly veiled over my bones. I instinctively tried to touch my eyes to make sure they were really mine. Black endless pools of darkness. Nothing left of me behind them. The fragrance of fresh blood filled my nose. I could taste the dead blood in my mouth. I licked my lips, as I was greedy for it. Even my own would do.

  “There is no need to get any angrier as what is done is done. I am sure you are a little disoriented, but you are only in stage one of the transfer. Someone will be there in a moment to give you something to make the transition easier. I advise you not to attempt to do anything to them. Do not try to bite them, either. I would hate to have you executed.” The placid tone in her voice sent my body into a rushing rage.

  I wanted to do more than bite them. I wanted to kill them. My instincts told me to show no emotion, show nothing. A controlled stillness encased me. I was the wolf waiting on the woodsmen to come to the house. Let him walk in the door. He could get to the bed, but then that would be the end of him. I would kill him before he could chop me open. If I were cut open, would anyone find anything human left in me?

  “It would be easier if you would give me something. I’m ravenous.” My voice hollow with an allure that I hoped no one could resist.

  The door opened once again, and two people came in. Their bodies covered in white plastic suits as though I were a biohazard. As one got closer to me, the smell of her rancid perfume hit me like a tidal wave. I could hear her, thud, thud, thud, with an ever-increasing pace. She was terrified. The other one with her, however, had a calm beat. I inhaled deeply to see if I knew them. Then the unfortunate realization came to me. It was Ryan. Stupid me! Stupid me! I had done it again. I always make this mistake.

  She made her movements quick as she jabbed me with the needle, no care for pain. The plastic silicon fake girl was taking some small pleasure in this. Ryan moved more cautiously toward me with a blood baggie in one hand. I smelled it right away. I was drawn to it, but it was his smell making my mouth drop open. He put the bag slowly to my lips. I could not help but to bite for it, biting for the release of blood.

  “Easy, I want to be able to give this to you but if she sees you act up, I will have to leave, and who knows when your next meal will be.” He touched the top of my head as if I were a child. The pull of hunger and rage ripped through me with a new desire. I wanted his blood. I knew its warm succulent taste.

  I recoiled a bit from his touch. He made eye contact by adjusting his mask. The green that was ablaze had been replaced by a quiet green. He looked as though he knew he had done something wrong. And then it struck me. He knew in the elevator what they were going to be doing, and he said nothing.

  I drank in silence. It was not human blood. I knew his blood. I knew the intricate taste of it. How did I know his blood? Foggy like pea soup, the memory had drifted away. The memory was coming back, pulling at me, and tearing its way forward.

  Chapter 2

  As I swim through the fog of my memory, Ryan entered the room quietly through the door. The fog cleared from this memory and allowed me to watch it unfold…

  His hands flinching open and closed. Fidgeting. He stood like a piece of darkness in this white washed room. I focused on him, and my body lurched as if I were still spinning. The room had been spinning and moving, merry-go-round spinning. The lights were so bright, and hunger was creeping in. White brick walls and solid white ceiling made up this room.

  He was wearing a dark blue shirt tucked into deep gray pants. The collar was open, and the top three buttons undone. His skin was a creamy light golden brown. His dark hair of his five o’clock shadow covered his unshaven neck up his hard jaw line, covering his face lightly. His lips were a soft manly pink. His green eyes bellowed at me and were almost like dark moss. Long slightly unruly, dark hair, too long, fell across his brow. Ryan was always captivating. Our first meeting had me reeling. How long had I been here? Where was here?

  “Are you ok?” Quickly and quietly, he asked, but it pounded in my skull as if he had screamed it.

  “Ok?” Drugged and dazed I could not focus. The hunger crawled up my ravaged body, and I felt split in two. My eyes drifted from him toward a mirror. I needed to see what was wrong with me. In a rush, he moved closer to me. The warmth from his skin pushed against my body. I took in a breath
quickly, unable to accept the feelings that moved down my body. I was hungry, and something crawled up my body, cold and fiery hot. Both desire and pain scorched through me. The room around him seemed to fall away, and he vibrated with everything I wanted.

  “Look at me. You will be ok. I will help—”

  On reaction or instinct alone, I sunk my teeth into him. The warm liquid flooding my mouth felt as though it were making me whole. The taste was unlike anything I had ever known. It was light, and yet there was something more in it. Coffee black, a little sugar, cotton, and pine filled me. His smell inundated his blood, and it filled me. Warmth settled in my mouth as I ravenously sucked it down.

  I attempted to move my hands to get closer to him, to make him closer to me. I needed to have everything he had. He ripped and pulled his body away from me. I chopped at the air after him. I needed him. I needed the blood.

  The memory slipped away from view. My mind was back with him. The feeling of cold death filled me again and pulled me away from him. I was back to the plastic bag. I had almost sucked it dry. As the blood flowed through my veins, it felt as if pieces of burning glass were cutting through me. The hunger and rage seemed to intertwine with my pain. The heaviness soaked through the glass leaving me broken in darkness. Her voice was cold and determined, “That’s enough. It’s time to let her sleep.” Wordlessly, he took one last look at me as he pulled the bag away, exiting quickly. How much did he know?

  Something moved in me. I had let go of the idea of being human and now this? I felt it again, one thump. It was in my chest. Was this the last time I would feel my heart beating? I wanted to fight for that last moment, but the broken stillness left me somewhere in between. I was between what was and what is. If I could only go back. God, I would change it all. Half conscious and half dead, nowhere and nothing. Is this what it feels like to be dead?